Marriage is something a lot of people aspire to. The thought of spending your life with the person you love is so exciting. But don’t get so caught up with planning the wedding that you forget to plan the marriage. Here’s a list of the conversations that you need to have to make sure you’re making the right choice by entering into a marriage.
***Plat4om giveaway: Check the picture at the end for a surprise.***
1. Money and careers
The number one problem a lot of couples have is money. Before you spend millions on a wedding, you and your partner have to discuss all aspects of your finances and careers. Are you going to have joint accounts? How will you split the bills? How would you manage your household? What if one person earns a lot more than the other or has to move for work? What if your partner loses their job? Save yourself a lot of headaches and have the money talk before you walk down the aisle.
2. Religion and values
Religious and doctrinal differences are hard to manoeuvre because they are so deeply rooted. Before marriage, you have to discuss differences and truly consider if you are ready and willing to deal with them. Failure to do so will lead to a lot of disagreements and confusion within a marriage. You also have to discuss your values, what you believe in and stand for outside of religion. Do you value tradition over modernity? Do your views on social and political issues align? A difference in ideology can cause a rift in your marriage and it’s best to talk it out from the beginning.
3. Children
After you get married, everyone expects you to have children. But is it something that was discussed prior to the wedding? Do you even want kids? When? What is your plan for birth control? How many do you want? What if one of you is unable to have kids? Are you open to adoption, surrogacy or other means of having a child? How will these kids be raised? What amount of money are you ready to commit to the futures of the children? How will you split childcare? What if a child is sick? What if a child is autistic or physically challenged? If you do not agree on an issue this sensitive, you should not be getting married.
4. S*x and intimacy
You have to discuss your s*x life and your expectations before you decide to tie the knot. A person with low libido will get frustrated with a partner that constantly demands s*xual interactions from them. Likewise, a person with a high s*x drive will be frustrated if they have to forgo s*xual gratification because their partner is simply not interested. You should marry someone who matches your s*xual energy. You should also discuss the boundaries of your s*xual interactions, likes, dislikes and kinks.
5. Home
You need to decide together where you want to live together. If one person has to change their environment without fully agreeing to it, it might lead to resentment. You both should work on a compromise about where to live before you get married. How far is it from your workplace or your partner’s workplace? What is the neighbourhood like. How conducive is it for starting a family?
6. Handling conflict
You need to talk about how you would resolve disagreements when they arise. Are you the avoidant type? Is your partner confrontational? Do you value being right over your relationship? You need to know how to get through tough times together because, whether you like it or not, they will come. What matters the most is how you and your partner learn and grow from them. Learn that you don’t have to be right all the time. Figure out how you both will sort out the issues in your marriage without them getting out of hand or involving a third party.
7. Splitting chores
Before marriage, you have to make up your minds on how you both will share the house chores. House chores are not specific to any gender, and it would be very unfair to ascribe all the domestic labour to one person. It is also irresponsible as an adult to leave your mess for someone else to clean. So, as a couple, decide how you intend to split up the house chores so no one grows resentful. Simple things like who sweeps, who does the dishes, who takes out the trash, and so on, should be done by both parties depending on the agreement you arrive at. Chores can even become a bonding activity for the both of you.
8. Space and boundaries
Marrying someone does not mean you own them. You and your partner have to express how important your space is to each of you and how much of it you need. No one should try to dominate or control the other. You should both know when you need love and when you need to be left alone. Marriage is not supposed to cage any one of the partners. Boundaries should be respected. Marriage is a union of two people and, despite the fact that you have chosen to enter the union, you’re still going to be an individual.
9. Secrets
If there are any secrets you and your partner are keeping from each other, there is no better time to talk about than before you get married. You have to know the person you’re marrying. If you are going to commit to each other fully, there must be no secrets between the both of you. It would be truly terrible and heartbreaking if you start to find out things you never knew about your partner after years of marriage. Spare yourself the heartbreak. Open up about everything and encourage them to do the same.
10. Goals and dealbreakers
You have to talk about your mutual goals. You cannot tie yourself to someone whose goals you cannot align with. If you’re planning on travelling the world, you cannot marry someone who is afraid of flying or never likes to go anywhere. Marry someone that will help you achieve your goals, not hinder them. Also, ask yourselves what would prompt you leaving the marriage. What is their stance on cheating? What are their boundaries with their relatives? How far is too far?
It is best to know these things before entering into a contract as binding as marriage. Sharing lives with someone else is a decision you must take with a lot of caution and after a lot of consideration because it affects your health, sanity and quality of life. Talk it all out and marry well.
