Early this month, we were greeted with the sad news of the demise of gospel musician Osinachi Nwachukwu. News reports alleged that the singer died due to physical assault from her husband Peter Nwachukwu.
Her siblings and kids explained how the singer endured untold verbal and physical abuse from her husband for years.
The question on everyone’s mind was “Why did she remain in that marriage?.
So I went online and spoke with a few friends, married and single asking them one question? Why do people remain in abusive relationships and marriages?.
1. Good S*x, jealousy and insecurity
“Some people stay in abusive marriages because of good s*x. I know of a woman in a abusive marriage who has refused to leave. She told me that she will not get a man who will satisfy her better outside. That’s how I left her to her fate.
Most times its jealousy. I know of a man who married a lady, broke and sim and bought her a new sim card saying “I don’t want anyone to call you”
Ivie
2. Ignorance
“Personally, I feel there are ladies who like to be battered in a relationship or marriage while there are some who don’t like it.
The truth is domestic violence is totally wrong whether it’s against the man or woman. Hence why most people stay in it is basically an act of ignorance. I know many will say God hate divorce, but God never said that divorce is a sin. The same God that says he hates divorce also placed rules for divorce simply because He knew that things like this will always occur if Cain can kill his blood brother out of Jealousy why can’t a man kill his own wife.
So in essence lack of information and over reliance of other people’s teaching has brought us thus far. Some also chose to live their life on what people say about them which doesn’t have any sense at all”
Rapheal
3. Some have internalised abuse
“My landlord and his wife always fight even wen she was pregnant, I went they did not open door for me so I called my landlady’s friend to come help so that they won’t kill her friend of which she came.
Days later my landlady said “Aunty Nancy anytime you see me and my husband dey fight no call anybody again” I said in my mind so she is even expecting further fights. so how will u help such person?.”
Nancy
4. Societal Pressure
It will surprise u to know that some singles are in abusive relationship till now and some are not wiling to come out because of pressure of getting old and no husband. So to just answer Mrs somebody, a lady will remain in a abusive relationship where they have to fight and settle.
I have a friend who is in this mess. It is difficult for me to tell her to break up every time when I’m in my husband house or I am Mrs as they see it.
Happy
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4. Financial insecurities
Woman u marry even though its Otedola’s son work, your money is your money. You will be respected. Don’t confuse loyalty, smartness and submission
Be loyal to your husband but in all be smart. Value your life as a lady it helps a long way on what you can take and what you cannot take.
Jennifer
5. Village People
“There are times when an abuser shows no sign during courtship. there were no signs. I hav a friend that got married and as as soon as she got pregnant and the battering started. it was as though he didn’t want her to get pregnant. all his beatings were always directed at her stomach, always hitting directly at the baby. She fled to save her baby.
After she left, the man never asked about the child even after 6yrs. at the time What triggered that one?? Nor be village people?”
Esiri
At the end of the survey I was able to established some strong points.
1. Some people are naturally abusive.
2. Some may not show the trait at first but get abusive later on in marriage
3. Women abuse men too
4. People are afraid to leave abusive marriages for a lot of reasons. (What will people say, fear, finance, even good s*x)
5. We can encourage or assist abusers to get help
6. Single people should shun pressure to avoid abusive marriages in the future
7. You have the choice to walk way if your life is threatened
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