Relationships are hard to begin and manage. We all know that. So why end something that wasn’t even easy to start?

“The decision to end the relationship or not depends on what we are expecting. What have we been getting from this relationship in terms of what we want, what we can tolerate, and what is a deal breaker? The simplest level is, are we getting what we want? If the answer is no or not really, it’s all downhill from there.”

– Lawrence Siegel, clinical psychologist

There are many reasons why people decide to end a relationship and move on with their lives or into new relationships. It could be the need to find yourself, take a break or be with someone else. Whatever the reason is for wanting a break, your partner deserves to be treated with respect. This is why it is important to do it in person no matter how awkward or painful it might be for both of you.

Unfortunately, some relationships are toxic and abusive in every way possible. But some people remain in such a relationship because they wonder what others might think about them, or believe they may not be able to handle being alone. Every psychological manipulation that springs up at that point of decision is a sign that you need to break through from that relationship, but you’re only giving yourself excuses to stay. You might decide to hang in there even if the red flags are all over the place.

But being single is not the end of the world, and that should not be a cause to worry. There’s life after a breakup, but first you need to get that heart wrecking breakup done and dusted first right? Here’s how you can do that.

How to break up

First, ask yourself why you want to break up. Think about it seriously. Knowing your reason will motivate you to carry on with it, especially if your reason is valid. You don’t want to regret a decision you made out of a little misunderstanding that could have been resolved.

Now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, there are other things you need to do.

Goodbye memories

Let go of every good memory you’ve had together and focus on the reason you want to break up. If you remember the good times, you’d probably cry or laugh your way out of saying the break up line.

Take the next step

Think about what you would do after you break up. If you live together, you don’t want to end up in an awkward position of having ‘that discussion’ about living conditions and whatnot. Set out a plan for what to do after the breakup. It could be as little as going on a shopping spree or on a getaway trip. You loved them at some point, even if you’ve fallen out of love with them, so you need to distract yourself with something new and adventurous.

Set a date

Pick the right place and the right time to break up. There’s nothing as sad as creating an awkward or painful moment when you do a breakup in a wrong place. Lachan Brown outlines these tips about proper timing:

• Unless you are in a long-distance relationship (LDR), do not break up with your partner via chat or over the phone because that wouldn’t reflect the gravity of the situation.
• Don’t do it in a public area. It’s not always easy to be emotionally honest with others around looking or hearing exactly what is going on.
• Avoid breaking up while the two of you are having a big argument. You might say and do things you’ll soon regret.
• Let your partner pick themselves up from a family, health, work or any personal crisis before you open up a new dilemma.

Prepare your partner

A huge mistake and unjust thing to do is to just blurt out the fact that you want a break. Instead, inform your partner beforehand that you want to have a serious talk with them.

Say it as it is

Since you began with deciding your reason for the breakup, now say it. Don’t give excuses and just let your partner know why you want to break-up. Be honest and respectful while doing so and try not to accost blame or get angry in any way.

Can we be friends?

To cushion the blow, you can be polite and ask if you can remain friends. Some might say no, while others would say yes. Keep it in mind, however, that, depending on the condition for the breakup, maintaining constant contact with an ex isn’t always healthy.

Leave

Just walk out and let that be a part of your past. Don’t look back or else you might give in and take them back again. Like we said, breaking up isn’t easy in any way.