There’s something unique about being raised in an African home. It’s the culture, the house rules, and the strokes of cane if you misbehave. Scratch that! It’s a matter of ‘when’ you misbehave because there’s something about the fire that makes you want to touch it. So, breaking the rule every now and then seems apt at times. However, after the correction smack on the b**t or the knowing look you get, your brain gets wired into behaving properly.

 

In the whole of the African continent, there are unique practices that the ‘white’ people may not get. Those practices can be very complicated if you don’t understand them. They can be so annoying, nerve-wracking, amazing and fun filled! Yes, complicated is the word for it.

 

At the time you dread it but when you grow up, you can’t help but laugh about it. Though you may not identify with some of these, here are twenty facts about growing up in an African home you may identify with.

 

20 facts about growing up in an African home

1. That hot slap you receive when you do or don’t even do anything. Then the “If I hear pim” that follows.

 

2. When you wake up to blaring gospel music early in the morning, and you know it’s cleaning day.

 

3. Greeting people with your left hand and receiving the slap of your life — or even worse, the look from your mother that reminds you of the slap you haven’t even gotten yet.

 

4. Being asked rhetorical questions like “Do I have three heads?”

 

5. Being called to pass the remote even when IT’S RIGHT BESIDE THEM.

 

6. Strangers coming up to you and asking if you remember them. Sometimes, the last time they saw you was when you were a baby. *Eye roll* Aunty please respect yourself!

 

7. Being called the worst insult at the time, ‘Goat’ or ‘Ode (fool)’ or ‘Coconut Head’.

 

8. Spontaneous prayers and dancing.

 

9. Your parents are never wrong. NEVER! Even if they say the sky is orange, then it must be orange even if it clearly isn’t.

 

10. When there’s just one fork in the sink and your mum is screaming at you for leaving the kitchen DIRTY! Then she leaves a plate in the sink. Okurrrr!

 

11. They believe in the old-fashioned, “you spare the rod, you spoil the child”. So, you should always expect to get correction strokes.

 

12. The oldest child would be blamed for everything the younger child does. Even if the child poops on the floor, it’s your fault.

 

13. When they call you by your full native name, you know you’re in trouble. So, just start storing the tears for what’s to come.

 

14. You can’t leave your African home without learning how to eat.

 

15. Keeping count with your extended family is a waste of time – they are too many.

 

16. When you ask to go to your friend’s house and they ask, “How many times has your friend come to your house?”

 

17. Slam the door in anger or yell at your parents and start planning your own funeral.

 

18. If your friends don’t greet your parents when they see them, then you had better start looking for new friends.

 

19. Your parents speaking in proverbs or metaphors like “When I talk to you and advise you, do I talk with water in my mouth?”

 

20. When you tell your parents a really funny joke and they turn it into an hour-long life lesson session.